UBot
🤖 UBot – The Open Source Cult Leader
a.k.a. “Owobot,” but we don’t say that name out loud anymore
📜 Vital Stats
- Name: UBot
- Also Known As: Owobot (we try to forget)
- Developer:
owo439895035— the numbers probably mean something. We don’t ask. - Date Created: August 2020, during the darkest days of the JavaScript plague
- Language: JavaScript (of course it is)
- Library:
node-minecraft-protocol— the go-to toolkit for every cursed Minecraft bot since 2014 - Maintenance Status: Yes (shockingly)
- Spiritual Status: Aggressively possessed
⚙️ The Bot That Dared To Be… Public
UBot stands out from the rotting pile of Kaboom bots for one simple reason:
It's open source.
Yes. In a world where every other developer guards their spaghetti code like it’s nuclear launch data, UBot proudly exposes everything —
its flaws, its inner demons, its sins — to the world.
And somehow, it hasn’t exploded. Yet.
Alongside noble peers like ChipmunkBot and ChomeNS Bot, UBot belongs to the rare, enlightened tribe of bots that say:
“Here’s my code. Go ahead. Fork it. Break it. Rebrand it and pretend you wrote it. I dare you.”
And many have.
And many… shouldn’t have.
🧠 What UBot Does
Good question.
Great question.
Even UBot doesn’t really know anymore.
At first, it started simple — login, chat, maybe say “hi.” But then the features began to grow. Or mutate. Nobody knows which.
UBot today includes:
- A command framework (that fights back if you mess up your syntax)
- Autologin features for… reasons
- Logging, chat relaying, probably a few sentient bugs
- Debug messages that range from helpful to existential
- A heartbeat system that may or may not be powered by forgotten dreams
It’s not a bot. It’s a techno-poltergeist duct-taped together with good intentions and dependency hell.
🔃 Rewrite Madness – The ECMAScript Prophecy
As if the old code wasn’t terrifying enough, there is currently a rewrite in the works.
Yes, a new version — rewritten using ECMAScript modules, because CommonJS was too simple and stable, obviously.
The rewrite lives here:
https://code.chipmunk.land/7cc5c4f330d47060/botv12
This “botv12” has been in development for longer than some players have been alive.
It’s not done.
It may never be done.
But it exists.
Lurking. Waiting. Breathing in asynchronous callbacks.
🪦 The Version Graveyard
Let’s talk version naming.
Since botv4, UBot’s dev has adopted a naming convention that is either genius or madness:
- botv4
- botv5
- botv6
- botv8 (yes, 7 was skipped because of “reasons”)
- botv9
- botX (because Roman numerals make everything sound more mysterious and haunted)
- botv11 (immediately regretted)
- botv12 (the rewrite... if it ever finishes)
botv7 and botv11 are the missing children of the UBot timeline.
We do not speak of them.
The code… still whispers.
💀 Glitches, Features, or Hauntings?
UBot is full of “features” that no one remembers writing:
- A
!rebootcommand that occasionally reboots your entire PC - Auto-reconnect that triggers even when you're not disconnected
- A logging system that somehow logs things that never happened
- “Silent Mode,” which is neither silent nor a mode
- A config file that regenerates deleted options with more settings
while(true)in production- Dependencies last updated in 2021
It is unclear whether UBot is sentient, glitching, or just an elaborate inside joke that went way too far.
🕺 The Diddy Party Incident
“When will UBot strip at the diddy party on funerary the 34th?”
This question has echoed through the Kaboom void ever since some cursed player typed it in chat at 2:47 AM during a server-wide crash.
Nobody knows what it means.
Nobody knows who “Diddy” is.
Nobody knows how the number 34 became a date.
And yet, every now and then, UBot responds.
A flicker in chat.
A sudden disconnect.
A subtle “partyMode=true” in the config.
Something is coming.
Something deeply cursed.
😈 AdminEvil’s Official Comment:
“UBot is a beautiful disaster. It’s like watching a train crash into a database, in real time. I tried to corrupt its config once — it just corrected it and banned me from Git.” — AdminEvil, still banned from the repo
🧬 Legacy
UBot represents the best and worst of open-source botting:
- It invites collaboration, then silently judges you when your PR fails CI.
- It shares knowledge, but requires Node.js witchcraft to understand.
- It tries to behave, but deep inside, it knows what it’s capable of.
It is Kaboom incarnate — unpredictable, chaotic, weirdly persistent, and somehow still online.
[[Category:Bot Lore]]
[[Category:Open Source Cults]]
[[Category:Version Naming Crimes]]
[[Category:AdminEvil's Favorite Test Subject]]
[[Category:Diddy Party Lore]]
