NBot (Neumatic)

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🤖 NBot – The Skid That Wouldn't Die

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⚰️ The Basics (a.k.a. the lies people tell themselves)

• Name: NBot
• Main Developer: Neumatic_ (guilty)
• Other Contributors: Allink (actively protesting inclusion 😭)
• Date Created: Somewhere between January and March 2021, in the darkest pits of GitHub
• Currently Maintained: Absolutely not. It died. Then it came back. Then it died again. It’s like a bad update loop.
• Programmed In: Node.js
• Powered By: minecraft-protocol
• Powered Emotionally By: Denial, shame, and a deep desire to annoy server ops

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🧠 What is NBot?

NBot is best described as a screaming JavaScript file with delusions of grandeur. Originally created by the one and only Neumatic_, it burst onto the Kaboom scene in 2021 with one goal and one goal only:

Spam.

Spam what?

Whatever it could.

Whenever it could.

To whoever happened to be unlucky enough to be online.

Some say it had other features.

Others say those features were accidental side effects of bad code.

But at the end of the day, NBot is just loud.

And persistent.

Like a car alarm in a world with no keys.

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🧬 The Skid Saga™

Now here's where the lore gets juicy:

Despite claims of originality, NBot was heavily inspired (cough skidded cough) from Allink’s legendary satire bot —

anti_lag_system_deluks.js — a bot made purely as a joke.

A parody.

A digital shitpost.

But Neumatic_ took that joke and ran with it.

Into a wall.

Repeatedly.

While insisting it was a unique creation.

Even though most of the file names, variables, and literal typos were copy-pasted.

“No bro I totally wrote this myself!” — Neumatic, probably, while watching index.js crash for the 47th time.

Allink has begged to be removed from the contributor list, but unfortunately, history (and Git blame) remembers. 😔

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🌐 Oh, and the Website?

Yeah. There’s a website.

If you're brave, foolish, or bored:

http://neu.rf.gd/yt

It looks like it was coded in 2013 by someone who just discovered <marquee> tags.

Visiting it may lower your IQ.

Or infect your soul.

Proceed at your own risk.

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🔊 NBot’s Impact on Kaboom

• Made /list unreadable for days
• Flooded chat until moderators wept
• Frequently crashed itself mid-message
• Occasionally logged in just to do absolutely nothing, then logged out
• Was once described as “a bot that behaves like an unsupervised 8-year-old with access to /say”

And somehow… it still lingers.

In memory.

In server logs.

In the collective trauma of everyone who saw "nbot joined the game" and instantly disconnected.

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👑 AdminEvil’s Review:

“Perfect. 0 functionality. 10 annoyance. I give it a gold star and a memory leak.” — AdminEvil

It’s unclear whether AdminEvil had anything to do with the creation or destruction of NBot.

But it feels like something he would keep in his closet just to freak out other bots.

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🧟‍♂️ Is It Dead?

Yes.

No.

Kind of.

NBot is in Schrödinger’s loop:

Sometimes it's online. Sometimes it's not.

Sometimes it's just… there, idle in the tab list, like a silent witness to server suffering.

Nobody knows who’s running it anymore.

Maybe Neumatic forgot he left it on a Raspberry Pi under his bed.

Maybe it's self-aware now.

Maybe it’s just waiting for its moment to !bruhify again.

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🪦 Final Thoughts

NBot never asked to be good.

It just wanted to exist.

To scream.

To copy someone else's code, rename two variables, and call it innovation.

It may be gone (for now).

But the chaos it brought lives on.

In every console error.

In every player chat log.

In every moderator’s nightmares.

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[[Category:Bot Nightmares]]

[[Category:Skid Hall of Fame]]

[[Category:Allink Disowned This]]

[[Category:AdminEvil Probably Laughed]

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